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April 25th, 2006

11:50 pm: the more i think
the less faith i have in things.

i worked today and realized how much i disliked the place. today started off on the wrong foot, or maybe on the wrong altitude. caitlyn and I had our loft removed yesterday so its our last 2 weeks as roomates. sarah, amy, jess, and i will soon be living together on 1505 snyder. (correct me if wrong, i cant remember the address completley.) me and sarah rock-paper-scissored our way into deciding who would be the illegal. i lost to scissors. well then. nothing exciting. just getting behind in classes, and hoping i dont fail out of life in general.

oOEndJoyOo (1:00:20 AM): rach, im goin to bed right now, but srsly, a night like tonight should not have happened...too often, on tuesday, we are understaffed and you are completely worthless...lets assume you DONT bullshit and take a long time w/the tea order....you didnt help AT ALL tonight...and the next time, im just gonna let it go and let us all get out super late...its fine if you bullshit some of the time..but when it affects ME, i start getting pissed
oOEndJoyOo (1:01:37 AM): im not gonna get into it but its just been happening way too much to overlook these last few weeks.
oOEndJoyOo (1:01:40 AM): night

and as you can see things are getting worse at chapbook. and the worst part is that i care not whether it really is my fault. im putting in my 3 weeks tomorrow. sumer should have enough time to find a new manager by then.

April 23rd, 2006

09:13 pm: i dont even know what to think
it has been a very rough week. its so sad that this is what brought us all back together (in one room nonetheless.) i havent seen liz mayes and liz mullins in so long. not to mention lisa whitford, mandy wall, hell everybody. i only see sarah all the time because i was lucky she went to state with me. when we all left joe's house friday night he said that we all really needed to hang out together this summer, and he was sincere about it. and he's right about that, now more than ever. i hate having regrets. and one of the biggest is spending the past two years without everyone i used to be friends with in highschool. i could never begin to describe how much i miss all of you. it was too comforting being able to hang out all week. I hate realizing that now, and i hate to think it could be a second chance. because i used to not believe in them. the world is too mysterious for my brain right now. all we have are the best of memories......and i really hope there are more to come.

March 17th, 2006

01:56 am: Wow its full and it really lights up the sky --the moon is what i speak of........
so yeah i was supposed to have done my econ hw. instead i just hung out with eric and steve and pretended like I was learning something. well i might have learned like two things. that is better than nothing. The moon is just driving me crazy. I can't even tell you how out of whack this week has been. i mean i just said whack and that proves it. But it is probably the same for all. And last night I drank. It was wednesday. It's sad when I think about it now. I just cant turn down an im that says we're drinking come over and its dani schu. Ah life is bittersweet. it always was. Now I get it. Just bittersweet.

The bitter facts of life, that I am really growing apart from jenny, erin and caitlyn.....started happening this year......but im accepting it. At first I just thought that they didn't care whether I hung out with them and I would get extremely depressed over it. But now I'm accepting that people do grow apart. I really am turning into a very different person and I wish that I could be there to laugh with them all the time, to joke around with them, and to go on those vacations with them or those bonding experiences. Sometimes you just miss too many and things start to change- the jokes werent the same for me anymore. i thought i was just slipping away from everybody and i felt alone. I really feel things happening now because of this, the wheels are turning. I don't believe I won't be friends with them ever, but I don't feel like we will ever be the friends we were. It makes me very sad. very sad indeed. And I wish I could change it. I mean these are the girls that made college begin for me. They were the beginning of a big turning point in my life. I am an entirely different person than I was in highschool because of these experiences and because of them. I truly believe that something......beyond my control....is forcing this change between us all. You know, each year or even semester in college seems to change something in me. I dont really know what it is yet but right now im ok. And that is more than I have ever been able to say. it's bittersweet.

March 13th, 2006

08:54 pm: hey rachel i am really sorry about the other day at work. sumer called me and talked to me, she said im lucky shes not firing me and took me off the sched all week. i guess cause we are always just goofy at work and it had been a long week that i just got a little too loud and i honestly didnt realize it because i am always kinda loud. and i dont know who told her that i was drunk at work, but i definitely was not. I was just really hung over and had hit my head and had been bleeding everywhere the night b4 so i was kinda out of it. i should have been more prepared for work and am sorry. i really dont want to get fired, and i totally took it for granted while i was working and was not taking it serious enough. i hope u can forgive me and i really hope i can keep my job and prove to u guys that i was just having a bad day.

this was from kayla. I feel bad that I had to send her home and upset her, but I think everyone was having a bad day. Chapbook Drama~Well I am finally delegating. Today was a meeting with Barb and we were told that we need to delegate more. We need to be constantly training and teaching and pretty much being a bitch all the time. I hate being a bitch. Lisa told me this weekend I was her favorite manager. I cant be a bitch. But I was when I sent kayla home. Managing is the bitch.

tonight was training for Les Gourmets. I wanted to be an hors d'oeuvres or a champagne server but they put me as a serving assistant. Nothing I dont already do at work. I got to see the friends I made at auction again and I made some more tonight. Allegra, a girl I met at auction is working in the wine room that night. I told her I would sneak her hors d'euvres if i could. Those HB kids are fun. And I'll will see Sarah there, lucky girl, she's back of the house.

March 11th, 2006

11:47 pm: sb 06 ended and now I have so many hilarious memories of those crazy gunson boys. good times.

March 5th, 2006

07:39 pm: i feel a little sad today. but why? guess i always am these days. It's probably for the same reasons I've always been sad before. always on a sunday too. Well there, sunday is the reason why. and that the weather is getting better. Whenever it changes it's just doing it to remind you how much time has gone by. I have to open tomorrow and I just wanna go to sleep......

completely obsessed. i love what we learn in com 225. its prolly the most interesting class even if i dont have the section with the couple that teaches it. it makes you think hmmm....well that explains so much, but then it always ends up that you're wrong or its too late. what to do? what to do? just be completely obsessed i guess. I get too attached to ideas and wait.....wait....they never happen as planned. I am too shy I guess.

haha this entry only makes sense to me and maybe a few others who can figure it out. but for now ill just continue the most pointless spring break ever, where I get wasted with a bunch of guys cuz all my friends are gone. aaaaaaaaaah well. just gotta survive a week with my parents and fight the control they like to put on me. still.

March 4th, 2006

12:08 pm: I should have knocked on wood
this is an entertaining story that I am telling in light of all things good in this world. like alcohol. So I got out of work last night completely unhappy and in need of something to relax with. I ended up at eric o's watching the game and chilling with all the guys. APPARENTLY I had too much to drink, I really don't know too much about what was going on, but the last thing I remember is everyone was saying I was really drunk. And then I woke up this morning thinking "WHERE THE HELL AM I?" and "why am I in Steve Ross's bed with him?" you know, questions that you ask if you have blacked out the night before. Well folks, welcome to my first real BLACKOUT! im writing this at noon--I am still drunk--On the walk home, somebody honked at me. And then as I was almost to the dorm, Jenn (who I work with) drives by. yay. I got caught. She said that she could definitley tell I was drunk and bought me McDonalds. It was great.

I should have knocked on wood the night I went shopping with eric o. and said that never have I ever blacked out. Because dammit!!!!!! I just did.

February 27th, 2006

02:13 pm: KEYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yes!!!! the tonsilitus is over!!!!! and yes, I found my keys, and yes, the person who found them and turned them in at the library did not in fact steal my semester bus pass. now I can stop worrying and thinking solely about my survival for a while. Usually I am so concerned with other people being happy that I just get tonsilitus over it. and if that sounds weird, well its one of the things i like about me, except I don't like that I had tonsilitus. I just need to balance out a few things in order to see where I need to be. Some days, it feels as though it might all finally be coming together, but then again, maybe its just the changing weather.

February 23rd, 2006

04:28 pm: i think i need to drink tonight. I wont have to deal much longer with drug induced depression. oops i took too many. now im really tripping.

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